uber_deutsch

So, the doctor guessed at the swine flu diagnosis and didn't actually test for it. Frankly, I don't know why people freak out when you say that you had swine flu other than it sounds terrible. I'm actually glad he didn't test for it because it wouldn't have been covered by my insurance anyway. In fact, the totally 100% standard blood test wasn't covered by my insurance either. So glad I have insurance to not cover simple shit. They're a big company and they don't have time to deal with my bullshit, right? I'll just give them $1800 a year, my company can give them another $4000 a year in premiums and they get to tell me to fuck myself. I think I'm going to start a service that required you to pay me about $2500 a year. You call me up and say, "Hey, I need about $150 of that $2500 to pay for this test, could I get that transferred to my account?" and tell you, "No, go fuck yourself." And then you go out and protest reforming my system, saying that government intervention in my system will "halt progress", or stifle competition in the "go fuck yourself" market or could cost you more money in the long run for me to tell you to go fuck yourself. Soon, I have enough money to run ads that say, "The government wants to get between you and the company that tells you to "go fuck yourself". Who are you going to listen to? The Government? Or...hey,...by the way, go fuck yourself. - Paid for by Go Fuck Yourself." Then, you're so scared and hypnotized by my ads and media blitz, you don't know where to go anymore. Then you get sick. You need that test, but who's there for you? Your doctor? Nope. Your family? Nope. That's right, it's me....now lean in real close....closer....closer..........even closer......shhhhh......quiet.....almost there....."go fuck yourself".

You drop into a deep, deadful sleep, ripe with infection, your "go fuck yourself" card in your hand drops like a dead leaf to the floor. But hey, you died an American. Supporting capitalism at it's finest. You showed those socialist hell-holes what it really means to die like a patriot. I'm sure they'll learn the error of their ways. Because they don't have a person to tell them to go fuck themselves when it comes to medical costs. See, they're missing out! Christ on a cracker, those people don't even know what a co-pay is? Imagine that, not partially paying for your medical costs? Oh, the humanity! Oh, dear lord, imagine the pain they must feel when they go to the doctor's office with confidence and security that they're entire life savings won't go to Cigna or Blue Cross in case they need major hospitalization. The Mexicans that I saw in the ER getting their kids a simple checkup must feel such joy as they scrap together every last cent to pay the cash price (as opposed to the billed later price of 4X the cash price). As they hand over that last dollar, the sheer American pride must wash over them like Uncle Sam and an American Eagle were double penetrating their orifices.

But, I'm naive. I'm misinformed. I'm just spouting liberal talking points and not talking any real world statics or...you know what, go fuck yourself. All I know is that fucking Blue Cross won't even pay for a fucking FRACTION of a simple blood test. Christ, getting my blood type isn't covered! Luckily my deductible FOR MY BODY is $250. I can afford that. But my car insurance covers more things on my car than my health insurance does on my body. No one finds that odd? I sure as fuck do.

Oh, and all of you people, of the remaining two that read my LJ, that believe that people should go to the ER for common everyday GP or Famliy Practice shit....go fuck yourself. The ER is equipped and built for.....wait for it....EMERGEN-FUCKING-CIES!! Luckily, what my wife had, was a kind of emergency. They were equipped for that. They knew what to do. But there were too many people in there for colds, flu and checkups. The lobby was filled with babies and children there for their routine physicals. It was 9:30 at night! I could count that actual emergencies on three fingers and the place was packed.

The best part was when they had someone come in to discuss payment options. When the word "options" follows "payment", it's gonna be expensive. My wife's procedure was slotted into the middle of five possible categories of payment. That cost us $667 for what they did. The nurses then spent the next half hour finding out ways to hack the system to our advantage. Let me repeat: part of a nurses' job now is informing a patient on ways to hack the system to the patients' advantage. That's fucked up. They should be, I don't know, out NURSING SHIT. But the system is so twisted to favor the insurance companies, they have to do this for what they determined as poor people without insurance. Yep, Marla didn't have insurance and she wasn't on mine (for other awesome ass-raping reasons), so they thought we were poor. So they gave us a list of free clinics for her next round of tests because if we did it there, it would be $450. Other places, $25. Also, they asked if we had an IV, we said no, they gave us water. "Oh thank God." the nurse said. "Why?" we asked with foreboding. "Because that would have been another $500." I wanted to punch something or someone. That's right. A bag of sterilized salt water would have cost $500. But, Andrew, IV's are an expensive process to generate....ah, go fuck yourself. That's a week's worth of pay for some people out there and it shouldn't cost them $500. It shouldn't.

All in all, my wife is fine. The people there did their jobs. They did them happily. They made us feel good about the decisions they were making. The only thing we felt was disdain for the insurance industry for fucking up a system filled with kind people trying to be kind to other people. Inserting profit into care is evil. It's fucking evil. If you defend it, go fuck yourself. If you want this system to continue and if you have the retarded thought that it will self-correct, go fuck yourself. If you think what I said is all bullshit, then you get that call that your wife is going to the ER, you make that drive, wondering if she's okay. You enter that room and see the machines and the tubes. You push her wheelchair. Wait with her for six hours, hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay. Do that and then have someone come in ask, "How would like to pay for this?" If you think that the way we should run healthcare, you're a cold, shameful person who deserves the experience you defend. Enjoy the bills. Enjoy the collection calls. Enjoy being "un-insurable" for life. Enjoy it and then go fuck yourself.